Every marriage goes through cycles of intimacy. Sometimes we will feel close to each other and yearn for ever more emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy. At other times, we will feel that we are drifting apart. If the drift apart becomes too severe, we may actually begin resent our spouse’s efforts to renew and […]
When a History of Sexual Abuse Impacts Marital Intimacy
Trust is vital to marital intimacy. Unfortunately, sometimes through no major fault of a spouse, trust may be lost — or at least buried–beneath feelings of anxiety, fear, or even an emotional shut down. Why? Because past hurts caused by other people can become mentally associated with one’s spouse. Once these links are made, even […]
We Are All Guilty. But Not Equally Guilty.
Some spouses are clearly more abusive than others. But “victims” should be alert to how they also abuse their, at least verbally and emotionally, spouses and contribute to the cycle of violence.
Love is Verb, Not a Noun. A Choice, Not a Chemistry.
Many people are looking for “chemistry” in their love lives. They want someone who stirs up their feelings of admiration, attraction, and desire. It’s like they want to be handed a surprise gift. A neat little package containing all of the feelings we associate with love, especially the way “true love” and “love at first […]
Wanted: Leaders not Tyrants — What Women Want in Men and How They Can More Likely Get It
Women are attracted to confident men. Indeed, confidence is the most commonly listed quality women report wanting in men. Moreover, even the physical characteristics of an attractive man are ones which suggest manly confidence, strength, and an ability to lead. On some level, this sign of confidence also reflects an ability to protect, provide, and […]
Sex, Success, and Security
Best selling author Dr. Warren Farrell’s Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say is filled with lot’s of valuable insights for both men and women. It’s given me much to ponder. One line of thought that I would like to share with you stems from his thesis that men seek women for sex while women […]
Marital Expectations — Ingredients for Marital Intimacy
Be wary of stereotypes. They often hold elements of truth, but not the whole truth. Stereotypes about men and women, for example, may be helpful starting points in discussions because there are true differences in men and women. On the other hand, since there is so much variation between individuals, both men and […]
Unconditional Love. What is Your Unilateral Promise to Your Spouse?
Marriage vows are intended to bind us to our spouse even and especially when we no longer feel like we want to be together, much less bound together. Marriage vows are a reminder that promise to love someone is an act of the will, a decision to bind one’s will to the process of trying as […]
Wise Words to Ponder
“Marriage consists in forgetting what one gives, and remembering what one receives.” — Anonymous “Happiness is nothing more than good health and poor memory” — Albert Schweitzer “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” — G.K. Chesterton “God didn’t create us to see […]
A Bitter and Conflicted Wife
My wife is conflicted. On one hand, we have two unplanned children whom she dearly loves. On the other hand, we have two unplanned children who have “derailed” her career plans because she doesn’t want to put the youngest in daycare. She already put off her career for the five oldest, but that was according […]