A friend recently blamed her “broken picker” for a series of bad relationships. Naturally, she fears her next relationship will also end in heartbreak.
If only there was a better way to screen out bad matches and to increase the likelihood of finding a great partner.
Maybe there is.
In How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less, clinical psychologist and eHarmony co-founder Niel Warren counsels everyone to develop a thoughtful, written list of the top ten “Must Have” traits and top ten “Can’t Stand” traits they require in a future mate.
This list serves three purposes.
First, it helps people to focus early conversations on key points that can help them to quickly assess whether someone they have just met might fit their core values and needs.
Second, once potential partners progress beyond a second or third date, its a great idea to discuss your lists together. If your potential partner has not created a list, ask him or her to do so. By talking through your priority lists you will more quickly identify core issues regarding your compatibility. Together, your two lists will give you 40 relationship priorities to discuss . . . fewer, if there is overlap, which might be a great thing to learn, too.
Third, you can use these lists as a reference point for later evaluating whether or not the person you are dating is truly honest and authentic, or is instead deceptive and manipulative. (More about this later.)
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