Insights, Reflections, and Renewal for Couples
Oh, Heavenly Father, Help me to watch my emotions, for they will become my thoughts. Help me to watch my thoughts, for they become my words. Help me to watch my words, for they become my actions. Help me to watch my actions, for they become my habits. Help me watch my habits, for they […]
When is too much self-criticism a problem? Always. But there is an important difference between self-criticism and self-reflection. True self-reflection is always constructive, not reproachful. It seeks to understand tough truths in order to guide self-improvement. Self-criticism, on the other hand, seeks to justify a predetermined verdict: “I am unworthy.” Self-reflection seeks what is better. […]
Everyone knows marriages have ups and downs. This is not just month to month or year to year. In a larger sense, there is actually a very predictable pattern in every marriage. First comes idealization and passion. Everything is wonderful. Second, disillusionment. A realization that everything is not perfect. There are faults in your partner […]
A Checklist to Measure Love The Apostle Paul gave us a checklist for measuring love in a beautiful passage that is often read at weddings. It is worth reviewing whenever you face a relationship challenge. I suggest you read it, however, not with an eye to how your lover is failing you, but mostly with […]
Do you have trouble forgiving? Or do old hurts continue to rise up in your thoughts?
Forgiveness is essential to the quest for peace, contentment, and love . . . all of which are gravely disturbed by unresolved feelings of anger or bitterness.
If any of the above are true, do you feel the weight? Have you noticed how you are accumulating a constantly heavier load of emotional baggage? If old hurts are never truly forgiven, and new hurts keep getting added to the pile . . . it is no wonder that you are feeling worn down.
Would you like to be free of old hurts? To stop looking backward? To always have an empty bag of grudges and a fresh start before you with every new day?
You can.
It is both a scientific fact and a core teaching from many religious traditions that you can enjoy a happier and healthier life by learning how to practice unconditional forgiveness, and to even live in a state of perpetual forgiveness.
Do you have trouble forgiving? Do resentments and fears over past issues plague your relationship(s)? Forgiveness is essential to healthy relationships. So, if you are having trouble letting go of resentments and renewing trust, check out some of these exercises: Exercises in Forgiveness | Seattle Christian Counseling Five Forgiveness Exercises for Couples | Psychology Today […]
Often, there is also a brokenness in our ability to truly hear and understand others. It’s not just reacting and expressing ourselves that can be broken. Our ability to patiently listen and empathetically hear can also be broken.
A friend recently blamed her “broken picker” for a series of bad relationships. Naturally, she fears her next relationship will also end in heartbreak. If only there was a better way to screen out bad matches and to increase the likelihood of finding a great partner. Maybe there is. In How To Know If Someone […]
Joy is what we experience from things, activities, and even adventures. But true happiness comes from relationships. Joys are passing. That’s why we are constantly seeking new joys. True happiness, by contrast, is marked by a deep sense of peace or contentment, which in turn is dependent on feeling safely connected to other persons by […]
Opening yourself up to a true intimate relationship can be scary. We all want to protect ourselves from being hurt, from being judged, from being rejected . . . and sometimes, from being fully known. There are weaknesses, addictions, petty feelings, and dark places that we may want to hide. A loved one recently explained […]
Your spouse’s opinions may change over time, but seldom because you have lectured, pressed, insisted or demanded his or her conformity with your opinion. It is far more likely that your spouses opinion, or yours, will change simply by being aware of each others views and being open to allowing those views, and others one […]
Despite all the romantic hopes everyone harbors about finding a soul mate or perfect match, the reality of human nature is that we are all imperfect and therefore imperfectly compatible. But while every marriage is a marriage headed toward conflicts, perseverance in marriage serves both oneself and one’s spouse precisely because, like physical exercise, it strengthens us by working on our weak spots. In short, perseverance will make both you and your spouse better people . . . at least if you have enough humility to be willing to change and improve.
“She’s a demanding wife.” Or, “He’s a demanding husband.” We’ve heard these phrases, which are usually criticisms. And while there are certainly over demanding husbands and wives, certainly there are also cases where spouse have legitimate desires and expectations that are being so ignored that a “demand” to give them attention is not only appropriate, but just. […]
