When is too much self-criticism a problem? Always. But there is an important difference between self-criticism and self-reflection. True self-reflection is always constructive, not reproachful. It seeks to understand tough truths in order to guide self-improvement. Self-criticism, on the other hand, seeks to justify a predetermined verdict: “I am unworthy.” Self-reflection seeks what is better. […]
How and Why You Should Practice Perpetual Forgiveness
Do you have trouble forgiving? Or do old hurts continue to rise up in your thoughts?
Forgiveness is essential to the quest for peace, contentment, and love . . . all of which are gravely disturbed by unresolved feelings of anger or bitterness.
If any of the above are true, do you feel the weight? Have you noticed how you are accumulating a constantly heavier load of emotional baggage? If old hurts are never truly forgiven, and new hurts keep getting added to the pile . . . it is no wonder that you are feeling worn down.
Would you like to be free of old hurts? To stop looking backward? To always have an empty bag of grudges and a fresh start before you with every new day?
You can.
It is both a scientific fact and a core teaching from many religious traditions that you can enjoy a happier and healthier life by learning how to practice unconditional forgiveness, and to even live in a state of perpetual forgiveness.
The boy who flinched — a parable about relationship scars
Often, there is also a brokenness in our ability to truly hear and understand others. It’s not just reacting and expressing ourselves that can be broken. Our ability to patiently listen and empathetically hear can also be broken.
Guaranteed Freezing: “I’ll give you wood when you give me heat.”
Your spouse’s opinions may change over time, but seldom because you have lectured, pressed, insisted or demanded his or her conformity with your opinion. It is far more likely that your spouses opinion, or yours, will change simply by being aware of each others views and being open to allowing those views, and others one […]
Extraordinary Reasons for Sexual Problems in Marriage
Every marriage goes through cycles of intimacy. Sometimes we will feel close to each other and yearn for ever more emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy. At other times, we will feel that we are drifting apart. If the drift apart becomes too severe, we may actually begin resent our spouse’s efforts to renew and […]
When a History of Sexual Abuse Impacts Marital Intimacy
Trust is vital to marital intimacy. Unfortunately, sometimes through no major fault of a spouse, trust may be lost — or at least buried–beneath feelings of anxiety, fear, or even an emotional shut down. Why? Because past hurts caused by other people can become mentally associated with one’s spouse. Once these links are made, even […]
Love is Verb, Not a Noun. A Choice, Not a Chemistry.
Many people are looking for “chemistry” in their love lives. They want someone who stirs up their feelings of admiration, attraction, and desire. It’s like they want to be handed a surprise gift. A neat little package containing all of the feelings we associate with love, especially the way “true love” and “love at first […]
Wanted: Leaders not Tyrants — What Women Want in Men and How They Can More Likely Get It
Women are attracted to confident men. Indeed, confidence is the most commonly listed quality women report wanting in men. Moreover, even the physical characteristics of an attractive man are ones which suggest manly confidence, strength, and an ability to lead. On some level, this sign of confidence also reflects an ability to protect, provide, and […]
Marital Expectations — Ingredients for Marital Intimacy
Be wary of stereotypes. They often hold elements of truth, but not the whole truth. Stereotypes about men and women, for example, may be helpful starting points in discussions because there are true differences in men and women. On the other hand, since there is so much variation between individuals, both men and […]
Unconditional Love. What is Your Unilateral Promise to Your Spouse?
Marriage vows are intended to bind us to our spouse even and especially when we no longer feel like we want to be together, much less bound together. Marriage vows are a reminder that promise to love someone is an act of the will, a decision to bind one’s will to the process of trying as […]