When is too much self-criticism a problem? Always. But there is an important difference between self-criticism and self-reflection. True self-reflection is always constructive, not reproachful. It seeks to understand tough truths in order to guide self-improvement. Self-criticism, on the other hand, seeks to justify a predetermined verdict: “I am unworthy.” Self-reflection seeks what is better. […]
The boy who flinched — a parable about relationship scars
Often, there is also a brokenness in our ability to truly hear and understand others. It’s not just reacting and expressing ourselves that can be broken. Our ability to patiently listen and empathetically hear can also be broken.
Help for Repairing a “Broken Relationship Picker”
A friend recently blamed her “broken picker” for a series of bad relationships. Naturally, she fears her next relationship will also end in heartbreak. If only there was a better way to screen out bad matches and to increase the likelihood of finding a great partner. Maybe there is. In How To Know If Someone […]
Joy versus Happiness: Where to find them
Joy is what we experience from things, activities, and even adventures. But true happiness comes from relationships. Joys are passing. That’s why we are constantly seeking new joys. True happiness, by contrast, is marked by a deep sense of peace or contentment, which in turn is dependent on feeling safely connected to other persons by […]
Marriage is Supposed to be a Struggle?!
Despite all the romantic hopes everyone harbors about finding a soul mate or perfect match, the reality of human nature is that we are all imperfect and therefore imperfectly compatible. But while every marriage is a marriage headed toward conflicts, perseverance in marriage serves both oneself and one’s spouse precisely because, like physical exercise, it strengthens us by working on our weak spots. In short, perseverance will make both you and your spouse better people . . . at least if you have enough humility to be willing to change and improve.
Wanted: Leaders not Tyrants — What Women Want in Men and How They Can More Likely Get It
Women are attracted to confident men. Indeed, confidence is the most commonly listed quality women report wanting in men. Moreover, even the physical characteristics of an attractive man are ones which suggest manly confidence, strength, and an ability to lead. On some level, this sign of confidence also reflects an ability to protect, provide, and […]
Marital Expectations — Ingredients for Marital Intimacy
Be wary of stereotypes. They often hold elements of truth, but not the whole truth. Stereotypes about men and women, for example, may be helpful starting points in discussions because there are true differences in men and women. On the other hand, since there is so much variation between individuals, both men and […]
Unconditional Love. What is Your Unilateral Promise to Your Spouse?
Marriage vows are intended to bind us to our spouse even and especially when we no longer feel like we want to be together, much less bound together. Marriage vows are a reminder that promise to love someone is an act of the will, a decision to bind one’s will to the process of trying as […]
Wise Words to Ponder
“Marriage consists in forgetting what one gives, and remembering what one receives.” — Anonymous “Happiness is nothing more than good health and poor memory” — Albert Schweitzer “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” — G.K. Chesterton “God didn’t create us to see […]