Help for couples facing relationship problems, including both the victims and perpetrators of spouse abuse. Share your story and your marital advise.

Three Inescapable Relationship Laws

Opening yourself up to a true intimate relationship can be scary.  We all want to protect ourselves from being hurt, from being judged, from being rejected . . . and sometimes, from being fully known.   There are weaknesses, addictions, petty feelings, and dark places that we may want to hide.

A loved one recently explained why she had failed to respond to my calls, texts, and emails for over two weeks because she “afraid to burden you with my problems. I don’t want you to think I’m a loser.”

Here was my response:

I understand. I truly do. But being afraid of a fall doesn’t change the laws of gravity. In the same way, being afraid of the “laws” of relationships doesn’t change how those “laws” impact relationships.

Here are a three inescapable truths about relationships. You may fear them. But you can’t escape them.

1. Relationships are fed by spending time together. Avoidance is poison.

2. Relationships are nourished by open communication. Silence starves.

3. Relationships are built on honesty. Hiding problems is dishonest.

Ergo, relationships cannot grow, improve, or survive without time, communication, and honesty.

I understand your fears. I truly do. You want to show your best self, not your struggling self. I get it!

On some level, we all fear the vulnerability required to be fully present, open and honest.

But none of us can escape the three “laws” I mentioned above.

When our actions are governed by our fears first, and our desire for a relationship second, our relationships will suffer.  It is the inevitable result of the three laws of relationships.

On the other hand, relationships have their best opportunity to grow and thrive when we prioritize the relationship over our fears, using the desire for a good relationship to inspire the courage to overcome our fears regarding being fully present, open, and honest.

 

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